Hi [no first name or personalisation],
I’m going to write that I hope you are well, because the checklist says “form emotional rapport.”
Tick.
My name is Andrew Nattan and my past career is in something that doesn’t pertain to what I’m selling but I want to sound like a real person with a history even though it’s irrelevant and a waste of your time.
I am passionate about something I want you to buy. And I want to change my career. I also want to talk about my wants, not your needs, because I’m really not very good at this.
I have just completed an online course that I won’t name because boy oh boy is it dogshit. You’d take one look and laugh.
Here’s a list of assignments I completed. And here is a list of keywords for products I hope you will buy. One of them will be a term nobody’s used since 1984 when the course handbook was first written.
Maybe it’ll be advertorial?
I’m reaching out to you.
And I’m specifically telling you I’m reaching out, because I didn’t stop and think nobody would ever say I’m reaching out in a personal email. “hey Nick, I’m reaching out to see if you want a pint at weekend” - you just wouldn’t.
If the course told me to read this back, I’d notice just how forced and false it sounded. But it didn’t. So I won’t.
I’m reaching out to ask for two things.
First, money.
I want you to pay me to do whatever this letter is about. And I’m going to ask for that before giving you any benefits of paying me. The course didn’t mention benefits.
Secondly, I want free advice from you if you don’t pay me. And I reserve the right to get pissy if I don’t like the advice I recieve. This is MY career you’re wasting.
I’m extremely passionate about this. I know I’ve said that I’m passionate before, but the checklist says to “show you really care about whatever you’re selling.” And what’s more passionate than passion?
Easy.
Two passions.
Tick.
Here’s two examples of what I’m selling that have no relevance to you or your industry. One will inevitably be a link to a site about CBD oil or crypto.
The course said nothing about solving your problems, social proof, a compelling hook, or explaining how to buy what I’m selling in this email, so I’m just going to stop dead.
All the best.
Andrew Nattan, and at least nine other people who’ll use this exact email template this week to try and sell you some B2B consultancy or other.
P.S: If you’ve used this email template yourself, please go and ask for a refund from whoever’s selling this dreck, find a good idea to use as a hook instead, and re-write the copy to focus on the benefits to your reader.
P.P.S: If you want to send emails that aren’t ignorable dreck, that are opened by your target audience and that generate enquiries, you can hire HNW to write them for you.
Something mint - this newsjacking ad about microplastics
Hoo boy. Normally I’m not into ads that leap onto a bandwagon, but this is the second time in two months I’ve gone all in on a Barbie ad.
You consume 20g of microplastics a month. That’s terrifying. Sort of. In a nebulous “that’s not ideal” kind of way.
20g’s about as much as Barbie’s plastic leg weighs.
Talk about a clear visual expression of the message “having plastic in your body ain’t ideal.”
Good luck forgetting about this one.