Be less Dave from Barnsley
Desperation reeks. Just like Dave.
I love Fesshole. Before Twitter went to shit and we all abandoned it, I’d read it every day.
Because people, it turns out, are weird. And if you give them the veil of anonymity, they’ll tell you just how weird they are.
So as I was thumbing through the Fesshole book, past the tales of people who’d pretend to get engaged to scam free desserts at restaurants, and the man who accidentally sent lewd images to an undertaker’s printer, I spotted this gem:
I’ve developed a habit of visiting the Twitter page of “movie1” stars. Not because I want to watch “niche movies,” but so I can stalk the profiles of the weird men who reply to every tweet. It’s fascinating and awful watching 58-year-old Dave from Barnsley trying to pull some 22-year-old stunner.
Middle-aged men sending chat-up lines to 22-year-old actresses? Now this I have to see.
You know what? It’s as tragic as you’d imagine. Greying, balding letches firing off one liners in the desperate search for gratification.
And it’s always, all about the sender. Not one offers the poor actress in question even the merest hint of any enjoyment for themselves. It’s all about Dave from Barnsley desperately begging for a connection so he can get something out of it.
Maybe there’d be lip service - something like “How are you today hun,” but it’d quickly devolve into an unappealling gent telling an uninterested woman that he’s here, he’s available, and she should be well up for getting together.
No amount of blanking stopped Dave, with his sad tales of being stood up but being sure this time, he’d really found the one.
It quickly became quite sad, so for a palate cleanser, I headed over to LinkedIn.
Turns out that Dave from Barnsley isn’t a lonely sad sack screaming his desperation into the void at all. He’s a canny business operator just using the same tactics as everyone on LinkedIn.
Come on people. Be less Dave.
Something mint - this mayo ad
Yeah, it ties in well with Hellman’s overall message that everything’s even better when smothered in oil and egg yolk sauce, but really, I wanted to share this because puns are often maligned in marketing.
And who gets the blame for puns? The copywriter. Well not this time. This time, it’s all on the art director. Because they’re perfectly happy with puns because sometimes puns really get that message across. Kudos.
PS: If you’re off to Fix Fest next Thursday, do say hello. I’ll be the tall one, trying his best to not look like he had to be up at 4am for the train.
You know what I mean. There’s a word I needed to replace to stop this tripping the spam filters.