Damnit Jim, I'm a copywriter, not a doctor
Five things that have genuinely happened to me that might raise a smile. Go on. It's Friday.
Christ, it’s grim being a copywriter, isn’t it?
Every time I turn on Twitter or LinkedIn, the bombardment starts.
SEVEN WAYS TO SUPERCHARGE YOUR COPYWRITING CAREER AND AVOID DYING OF PNEUMONIA ON THE STEPS OF A SOUP KITCHEN
IS THIS MARKETING MISTAKE MURDERING YOUR FREELANCE CAREER, SKINNING THE CORPSE, WEARING THAT STILL DRIPPING SKIN AND HIDING BEHIND THE COUCH TO FRIGHTEN YOUR KIDS?
CHATGPT IS DEFINITELY SKYNET YOU GUYS, FOR REALS, I’M SUPER FUCKING SERIOUS OH MY GOD IT’S AT THE DOOR! IT’S COME FOR MY JOB AND MY PRECIOUS SPINAL FLUIDS AND IT’S COMING FOR YOU TOOOO!
Turns out it’s actually life or death stuff this job. There’s certainly no fun involved.
At least, that’s what the charlatans selling shitty “START YOUR NINE FIGURE FREELANCE CAREER” courses want you to think. They want you to think this is a super-serious vocation, with no room for error, that’s all pressure, all the time. Because when you’re scared, you want guidance, and they can sell you that guidance.
I ain’t selling Jack shit. Not here. Not today. So here’s an antidote for you.
Five times in my 16 year copywriting career everyone’s pissed themselves laughing because this job is literally just fucking about with words
That time my old head of copy stealthily tied my shoelaces to my chair then asked me to grab her a cup of tea so I’d stumble and we could all have a good old laugh. We’re creatives, she explained. Sometimes we just need to mess about to get our brains working.
The time a hotelier refused to let us tweak the strapline he’d come up with for his luxury spa. “Relax of chill. It’s you’re choice.” 100% no bullshit, that’s the line he wanted on the website, flyers, posters, an etched brass plaque... He’d misspelled or, and your, and offered readers a choice of two synonyms. That day, I embraced the maxim “clients gonna client.” Sometimes, they’ll do, say, or ask for stupid things. It’s fine. It happens. The good ones don’t client, they talk to you. Just let the less-good ones get on with it.
Another CGC moment, this time for an SEO project. As the technical SEO was explaining our strategy and how the copy would need to fit in, the client just stopped us dead, said he’d read up on SEO and “we just need to optimise the firewalls and do the metas.” That eventually became our drinking salutation of choice - OPTIMISE THE FIREWALL. You really can’t take some clients too seriously, especially when they’re claiming a level of experise in your job.
The time I met a client at London Euston and we both asked the other “so is your office nearby?” Mine was in Salford. His in Leicestershire. I’d left an option to meet in person in London in the proposal template after pitching a London company the week before. We creased up laughing and spent a day in a hotel bar, hammering out the brief for one of my longest-running projects. Even expensive mistakes don’t need to be the end of a relationship - they can be a great bonding moment between you and a client.
The time Martin’s camera froze mid-sentence during a £2,000+ online workshop, and every time the client or I looked up, there was this open-mouthed, blank eyed face staring back at us and honestly it was the first time during the whole lockdown I cried laughing. So did the client. Turns out they’re just humans, and humans find technical problems hilarious. Don’t panic, just hang a lampshade on them.
This job can be a tough gig. Especially if you’re a freelancer, or you’re responsible for keeping a company afloat. But that’s true of any business. And whereas a doctor is elbow deep in organs or a plumber is elbow-deep in shit, copywriters are just fucking around with words.
So exhale. Relax. Centre yourself. Remember that clients are always gonna client, that today’s mortifying cock-up is tomorrow’s funny anecdote, and that no matter how wrong you might get it, nobody’s going to die because of it.
Damnit Jim, you’re a copywriter, not a doctor.
Something mint - this speaker bio for The Fix Fest
I’m an unapologetic lover of what Glen and Nick are doing at The Fix. And not just because they interviewed me for their Accelerator subscribers and let me tell the story of how Hampson Nattan Williams got started (complete with impressions).
Their whole schtick, that copywriters get better by having other writers collaborate with them, is the opposite of the hucksters I opened this email with, and it’s exactly what I hoped for when I started HNW.
It’s worked for me. Ben and Martin’s prodding, cajoling and occasional stand-up screaming sessions1 have made me better at what I do. And having Nick and Glen on hand to prod, cajole and improve the work shared with them will make freelancers better at what they do.
Plus they have this message running through them like a stick of rock that this is a rewarding career, populated by lovely people, all of whom have something to teach each other.
Even if you don’t know who a particular lovely person is. Which this bio they anchored a sales email with proves perfectly. Just look at those bullets.
Topline benefit - you can learn from this person, because they’re great at what they do (piggybacking nicely off Glen and Nick’s own direct response cred)
Common pain point - any copywriter struggling with imposter syndrome sees the appeal of not sticking your head above the parapet
Bit of personality - this isn’t some marble statue on a plinth, this is a real person with relateable and correct cheese opinions, someone that you can definitely talk to
I’ve no idea if there are any tickets for The Fix Fest left. But if there are, and you pick one up, I’ll see you there.
It may surprise you to learn that Ben prods, Martin cajoles and I do the stand up screaming.