Four client handling tips from the most patient woman in the Western World
You think clients are irritating? Imagine being stuck in a house with me.
Nine years, yesterday.
That’s how long I’ve been married to a woman so patient that she’s not thrown me out even though I have a Leeds sticker slapped across a wedding photo in my office.
Nine years. And that’s just the retainer.
We’ve been together ad hoc since 2006 - which is a bafflingly long time to put up with my personality quirks. So of course Laura has some tips for handling irritating client relationships.
Naturally, I asked her for them.
She told me to do my own work.
Instead, here’s what I imagine she’d have said.
One. Don’t Put Up With Bullshit.
Clients don’t come home pissed and fall asleep in the washing basket with startling regularity throughout the 2010s. But they do often showcase some weird behaviour.
Like abandoning their tone of voice for corporate bullshit beige. Or running your copy through some robotic analyser to strip out any personality, or joy, or excitement, or persuasion.
When that happens, you need to jab them in the kidneys at 6am, tell them their glasses are downstairs and that the dog needs walking. Or, just firmly explain why they’re wrong and what needs to change.
Two. But Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
Much like a husband will occasionally wake you up at 3am because a Canadian hockey team has overturned a three goal defecit against a Floridian hockey team, a client will often do something that’s irritating.
Like emailing you at 5pm on Christmas Day to chase some amends, passing your copy to legal, or suddenly remembering a pertinent piece of information just as they recieve COPY DRAFT v3 FINAL - FOR SIGN OFF.
But sometimes, you’ve got to let it slide. You do things that irritate them too, so just let it go unless it becomes a problem. This relationship’s the key to a big chunk of your monthly mortgage payment after all. Do you really want to risk it over legal wanting a say?
Three. Show An Interest
Last month, I shared a poem my friend wrote for our wedding. It alluded to Laura spending ages learning about Doctor Who because I’d mentioned watching it on my MySpace1 profile.
It cuts both ways. She looks up Leeds scores and pretends it’s not funny when they lose, I sat through her fifth rewatch of The West Wing without pointing out all the dialogue is just fucking monologue, everyone’s just preaching at each other instead of talking to each other for fuck’s sake...
It’s the same with clients. You have to take a genuine interest in them, what they do, and who they do it for. You can’t just storm in, say this is my big idea that I spent ages thinking about, get on board. You have to find out what motivates them, how they see themselves and the world, and go from there.
If you don’t genuinely care about them, it’s doomed from the start.
Four. Keep Business and Personal Separate
Back in 2019, Laura had to spend a few days in hospital and then another fortnight at her mum’s recuperating away from a dog that loves jumping at people who’ve had major abdominal surgery. At the time, I was going through one of the most stressful periods of my career.
I’d borrowed thousands to invest in a business venture outside my normal wheelhouse, and it was just non-stop arguing, bickering, ultimatums and drama. I genuinely wanted to kill one of my collaborators with his own stupid beard at one point.
That drama didn’t go to the hospital. It didn’t go to the in-laws. It might’ve popped up in a passing text, but it took second fiddle to her getting better.
There will be times when your clients borrow thousands to invest in a business venture that becomes very stressful for them. They might want to bring it to your door. You have to keep a boundary. You’re there to give professional advice in a friendly way, but you can’t abandon professionalism to be their friend.
Or as Laura usually puts it, stop fretting about your clients while you’re having dinner. It’s bad for your mental health.
Smart woman, my wife.
Something mint - my wife’s favourite ever ad, which lured her into underage drinking
Yeah, message first is good, but have you ever just put some Yorkshire eye-candy in a weird, creepy iconic ad to sell alcopops to teenagers?
I’ve no idea how to break this down for you, I’m afraid.
Be memorable, even when you’re being immoral?
Fuck, we’re old.