"Lanyards are still bollocks" - what I learned at Fix Fest

by Andrew Nattan, aged 37 and eleven twelfths.

“The most ambitious copy event of the year.”

I’m a cynic nowadays.

Sorry, I’ve always been a cynic. Let me start over.

When it comes to conferences, I’m a cynic. I’ve been there, done that, worn the lanyard. Planned and hosted one of the things - and that’s a story I won’t be retelling without written permission from a therapist, a lawyer and an exorcist.

Some conferences are very good. Some are a bit shit. So when Glenn and Nick from The Fix announced they’d be putting on something new, ambitious, and featuring a Gospel Choir, I knew I had to go. Not because I like Gospel Choirs, but because they say I’m an industry legend and I’m nothing if not an egotist.

My train to Euston departed at 5:55am yesterday morning. I got home at gone 11pm last night. I finished this bastard post at 00:17 today. I’m exhausted.

But for you, dear reader, here’s what I learned:

1: Solitude Isn’t Loneliness

As much as I’ve wittered on about HNW’s triple-strength copywriting, I’m on board with Andy Boulton’s call for more solo working. You’ve space to think. To breathe. And you don’t have to share any of your Kit Kat.

In an increasingly collaborative industry, solitude feels like an act of rebellion, and freeing yourself from the tyrannical oversight of working methods meant to turn creativity into timesheets can only be a good thing.

Plus a bit of solo campaigning means I can bin off all the proofing I’ve got to do this afternoon, so win-win for me too.

2: When in Doubt, Bez

The sound doesn’t work when you want to show your sizzle reel of great BBC ads. You set the one Salfordian in the audience aflame by claiming Bez is from Manchester. And then you stick another speaker’s book on a slide of publications you don’t think are any good. Kudos on James Cross for overcoming every obstacle and getting his talk back on track.

Tech hiccups and umbrage aside, there’s no arguing with his philosophy of being interested in what your clients are interested in, majoring in pop culture and writing like a Northern woman at a garden centre. And he did leave me with my favourite takeaway of the day.

When in doubt, when all else fails, go to a cash point, get £500, and call for Bez.

3: You’ve Got a Voice, Use It.

Wants to be Glenn Fisher’s nemesis. Loves puns. Hates trolls. Died on her arse at her first speaking gig¹. I’d very much like to be friends with Jo Watson. We share values and experiences. But the only copywriter I’ve heard of who literally wears criticism on a t-shirt has enough on her plate already. Not least a nutter calling her an Fucking Magnificent Bitch 30 times in 30 days on LinkedIn. The absolute whopper.

Jo’s call to arms is simple. Writers have the tools and the talent to act as the voices of the voiceless. To take up arms (and keyboards) against the tide of people with far too much fucking time on their hands and no social filter. Therefore surely it’s our responsibility to snuff out real world hate while it’s metastasizing online?

It’s on you, says Jo. Verbally twat a troll today.

4: If You’re Stuck on the Brief, Get Literal

Enter Annabelle Ford. You’re asked to speak to copywriters. You’re stuck for a title. None of the six you shared cut it. So why not get as literal as it’s possible to be?

Are you copy? Or are you writer?

Turns out the best are both. Copying work, whether that’s with a bit of copyworking of old ads, or just nicking trends and lines as grist to your creative mill is key to getting good at the job. Good enough to develop the writerly skills that let you turn a borrowed idea into a compelling pitch.

Read. Steal. Improve. Can’t fault that as a mindset.

5: 54 Years After His Death, Howard Gossage is STILL the Smartest Man in the Room

I was looking forward to this more than anything (find out why next week), because I’m an unashamed Harrison fanboy. Which was a bit awkward when I bleated a crap anecdote about my granddad to Steve at lunch.

But then Steve’s a fanboy too. And aside from a short digression to point out a flaw with a BBC ad from James Cross’ reel, his talk was an introduction to his copy hero, Howard Luck Gossage. My words here won’t do it justice. Grab Steve’s book Changing the World Is the Only Fit Work for a Grown Man, and write out all of Gossage’s ads. It’ll make you better at this shit.

Guaranteed.

People read what interests them. Sometimes that’s an ad.

6: Original Thought Needs Original Perspective

I’d love to sit and have a chat with Rania Robinson. Unfortunately, Glenn Fisher got to do so instead with a quick Q&A.

Rania’s point is simple. Our industry needs original thought. And that means bringing in new perspectives, not just a cavalcade of university educated London folk with enough family capital to fund an unpaid internship. Our industry’s brightest talents started in post rooms and on secretary’s desks. We need to open routes for young talent, regardless of background.

Damn fucking right.

LUNCH BREAK!

You meet some really interesting people at conferences. I met Ben Hampson at one. Introduced by a mutual friend, who I should really track down and punch in the kidneys thank.

No kidney punching is required when you get to spend all day with the benevolent Eileen MacCallum, the benificent Johnny Morgan and chat to the brilliant Anna Gunning, Sarah Bartlett² and Rebecca Nicholl. I did throw a wrap at one of these people (accidentally) but I’ll never tell you which one.

Coincidentally, Eileen and Johnny both said they were subscribing to this very publication, which you can and also should do by clicking this here button.

7: Some Ideas That’ll “Never” Work Just Need Work

Apologies to Kelly Brown for sneaking in midway through her intro, we’d lost track of time. But it didn’t take long to pick up her thread. We’re always generating ideas that’ll “never” work. But what we need to do is work to make them work.

Creativity’s like learning to swim without your armbands. It’s the art of not drowning. So throw away your flotation device, and find a strong guiding voice to give life to your impossible idea.

8: I’m Sorry Mate, But Arnie Wins

I 100% agree with Cain Smith’s premise. That some copywriters are in love with words (which is weird, like a plumber just fucking LOVING piping and washers). That too many people think of copywriting as a profession, not just a skill among many.

I’ll even buy in to his argument that we need to replace old fashioned working methods instead of trying to improve them.

But Cain. Mate. You can’t tell me the T-1000 is better than the T-800. I’ve seen Terminator 2 more times than you’ve had hot dinners pal. When it comes to killer robots, old school grit beats flexible new shininess, even if that undermines your point about copywriters needing to change, adapt, and learn more skills. Arnie wins in the end.

At least until he’s lowered into the molten steel, like.

9: Message First is Great For Designers

Once I’d got over the fact that The Fix’s designer of choice Lee Davies works in an office that I swept as it was being built courtesy of a student job at the Sheffield Labour Exchange, I was struck by how his tips for a happy marriage betwixt wordsmiths and crayon artistes sounded like Ben Hampson’s five year old HNW blog post explaining why message first is great for designers.

Start with a big idea, before the copy or the design, because that idea (expressed as a single, flexible phrase) makes life simpler for everyone? Sounds a hell of a lot like our message first approach.

I can’t forgive Lee for his agency’s work on Leeds’ City of Culture campaign that led to this football shirt though.

10: BEANZ MEANZ HEINZ is the Greatest Poem of the Modern Age

I’ve got a newsletter in the can about poetry. It’s going out next week. You’ll get it on September 22nd at 11:29 if you’re a subscriber.

So imagine my surprise when deli counter haikuist Natalie Moores beat me to the punch by 8 days.

It’s fine though. I’m a shit poet. Natalie isn’t. And she understands that the fundamentals of poetry - using every word properly, boiling down your ideas to their essence and telling an unexpected story - are also the keys to great copy.

Not sure if I agree with her on BEANZ MEANZ HEINZ being better than Evidently Chickentown though…

11: Copy is All That Sells

Mark Ford closed out the day with confirmation of something we need to make abundantly clear to our clients.

Copy sells. Copy is all that sells.

If you want to shift product, if you want customers to send money to you, you need to be a damn good copywriter.

He also said something rather poignant. That learning is one of life’s joys. And if that’s not an advert for spending a day in a room with some great speakers and a gospel choir, I don’t know what is.

12: Lanyards are still bollocks.

It’s true. Nobody ever looks good in a lanyard. Even if that lanyard is purple.

Especially if that person is me, on four hours sleep, after six beers.

Something mint - Fix Fest

Enough said. Let’s see what they’ve got planned for next year.

Normal service will resume with a great example of a message first ad in a fortnight, because next week I’ve got a book recommendation for you. You’ll never guess who wrote it. Make sure you’re subscribed. And scroll back through the catalogue of ad inspo in my previous newsletters.

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PS: A deep, deep pull in the subject line today with an ancient callback to a post I wrote about Copy Cabana all the way back in 2017. I gushed about Steve Harrison there, too. If you remember that, drop a comment below.

1. In the unlikely event you saw me talk about Christmas ads at the DMA in Manchester in 2019, I can only apologise for just how shit I am at making mouth noises while operating a PowerPoint.

2. Who described me as “the best comedy copywriter she knows.” Which is simultaneously the best compliment I’ve ever had, an introduction to a niche I never knew I filled, and proof she’s not met Dave Harland.