What sort of criminal would put custard on a wild elk steak?
In which I relate an entirely true story from an un-named restaurant so as to make a point about branding and marketing decks.
I have this thing about restaurants. If I see something I've never had before, I have to try it.
It's a compulsion.
So when I took Laura out to a restaurant last week, and I spotted wild elk steak on the menu, I thought Bob on. Never had that. Got to order it now.
The waiter came over, and she gushed. "Oh," she said, because people in my anecdotes always start with a filler word so you 100% won't clock that I'm making this up.
"Oh, the wild elk steak is superb. It's cooked medium rare to a very precise temperature to ensure it's toothsome without being chewy. But before then we pan sear and butter baste it to provide a perfect crust that adds a real depth of flavour."
Fuckin' A, thinks I. But what about the sauce options?
"Hmmm," she said. For similar reasons as the oh. "Hmmm, well you have options. There's a peppercorn sauce. It uses pink and yellow spotted peppercorns to add a bite of heat that offsets the sweetness. Or there's the mushroom and vermouth jus which adds a real umami depth to double down on that crust.”
“Or there's the custard."
Custard? Why's custard an option?
"Well, the chef just really likes custard. He likes making it, he spends hours stirring the custard pan, and he just thinks it should be an option.”
I bloody love custard, me. Offer me a bowl of custard or a bowl of mushroom and vermouth jus, it's custard every time. One medium rare wild elk steak with custard, please!
Reader, it was fucking rats.
Custard doesn’t go with wild elk steak. I don't care how much I like custard, or how much the chef likes making it. Custard does not go with wild elk steak.
Just giving custard as an option is like sending out a deck that’s 95% well thought out strategy, and then bombing a few weird lines in at the end that you liked writing just in case the client likes them too.
You’re screwed if they pick them.
Something mint - this continuation of today’s foodie theme
Puns eh? Last refuge of the out-of-ideas copywriter.
But this works. It’s friendly, it’s crisp, and the supporting copy does a nice job of positioning ASDA as a consumer champion. “Yeah, everyone’s having this issue, not just us. But we’re doing something to fix it.”
Obviously everyone is working to fix it, but Havas and Daze & Orla turned it round in 48 hours. ASDA told the world they were working on a solution a week before Tesco acknowledged the problem.
Get there first1, with the best ad, and you win.
I know, the irony of saying get there first when this ad is literally four weeks old. What can I say? I write these in advance. I wrote next week’s after three pints watching Salford vs Hull KR on February 23rd. There you go, magic’s well and truly gone.